What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My cat gives me a boner
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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