i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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