You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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