i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just want nice things and good sex
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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