Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
