Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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