I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
