my soul wont recognize me after tonight
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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