Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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