ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
