She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
