he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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