what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
