i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
