I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
