There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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