made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
