If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
