His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
