ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
