Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
