Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
