He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
