there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize