Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
