So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
