we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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