could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
