My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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