The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize