yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
