first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
