I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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