guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
