i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
