giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
