Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
