I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?