At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good