you didnt know i had herpes?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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