yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
