It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.