Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
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So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
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We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.