Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(678): View more from Georgia

Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you

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(678): Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you http://tfl.nu/rkl4

Replies (5) Good night (695) Bad night (3031)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

We named our party play list daddy issues

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(704): We named our party play list daddy issues http://tfl.nu/zy7m

Replies (4) Good night (2741) Bad night (709)
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(209): View more from California

update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.

(1-209): View more from California

the house was on fire??

(209): View more from California

shit I thought I told you.

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(209): update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff. (1-209): the house was on fire?? (209): shit I thought I told you. http://tfl.nu/gdcx

Replies (16) Good night (1304) Bad night (5212)
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(586): View more from Michigan

apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.

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(586): apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that. http://tfl.nu/dpbh

Replies (13) Good night (7758) Bad night (1104)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar

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(732): Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar http://tfl.nu/9kou

Replies (39) Good night (6516) Bad night (2961)
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(440): View more from Ohio

Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"

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(440): Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little" http://tfl.nu/17w7

Replies (6) Good night (3307) Bad night (953)
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(319): View more from Iowa

Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.

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(319): Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again. http://tfl.nu/9aen

Replies (10) Good night (3674) Bad night (1387)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.

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(304): Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this. http://tfl.nu/ysuz

Replies (3) Good night (1312) Bad night (502)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.

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(215): There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions. http://tfl.nu/xynj

Replies (1) Good night (1894) Bad night (538)
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(770): View more from Georgia

Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.

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(770): Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way. http://tfl.nu/age7

Replies (9) Good night (1095) Bad night (1465)
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(417): View more from Missouri

It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.

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(417): It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday. http://tfl.nu/s40o

Replies (15) Good night (2457) Bad night (627)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.

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(202): I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning. http://tfl.nu/sdft

Replies (3) Good night (1127) Bad night (577)
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(514): View more from Quebec

MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'

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(514): MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.' http://tfl.nu/5zwe

Replies (7) Good night (1832) Bad night (517)
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(906): View more from Michigan

I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.

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(906): I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am. http://tfl.nu/v9bt

Replies (2) Good night (952) Bad night (506)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?

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(203): What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high? http://tfl.nu/zas2

Replies (2) Good night (614) Bad night (185)

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