I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
