There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.