Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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