Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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