Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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