history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
