I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
