A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
