i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize