Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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