youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
