He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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