I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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