Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
