Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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