i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
