once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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