Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
