booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Randomize
