Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
