My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
