you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
