I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
