I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
