I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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