people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
it hurts more in the daytime
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
