you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
