I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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