never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
