those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
