I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
where am i from again
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
