party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
