i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
