Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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