Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
