that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Found the puke drawer
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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