I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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