Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
