I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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