I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
